November 30, 2014

thanksgiving 2014

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
~ E. M. Forster

Donkeys have a reputation for being stubborn. (Cue the mental picture of a farmer desparately pulling on a rope, where a donkey, at the other end, refuses to budge.) I have a tendency to be like that donkey. A bit stubborn, or maybe a lot stubborn. And though stubborn can take a quick turn towards obstinance, it can also just mean that you are determined. It means you are unwilling to bend to a power that you don’t believe in yet. The determined and unbending stubbornness can be a beautiful force to be reckoned with. However, sometimes you should follow the pull of the rope. And, though it is difficult, you have to let go. See what is out there. The path you were resisiting may be one that leads to the life you are waiting on. The life that you will live with determination and the unwillingness to bend to anything less than what is required.

Photo taken on November 27, 2014 on my Aunt’s farm in Manchester, Georgia.

November 2, 2014

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“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing,
but burn, burn, burn… ”     ~Jack Keruac

Photo taken on October 31, 2014 in Atlanta, Georgia

October 26, 2014

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“When you’re alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown. When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know, downtown. Just liten to the music of the traffic in the city. Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty. How can you lose? The lights are much brighter there. You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares. So go downtown. Things will be great when you’re downtown. No finer place for sure, downtown, everything’s waiting for you.” ~Lyrics sung by Petula Clark

Photo taken on December 13, 2012 in Manhatten, New York City.

October 12, 2014

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“Don’t stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don’t forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm’s length and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball collection.  ~ Ron Padgett

Photo taken on October 8, 2014 at Fontaine’s Oyster House in Atlanta, Georgia

October 5, 2014

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 “Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been,
and there you will always long to return.”  ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Photo taken on July 8, 2012 of Mount Hood on a flight from Portland, Oregon to Atlanta, Georgia.

September 28, 2014

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“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  ~ Albert Einstein

This day was a big day for me. I successfully completed my first sprint triathlon. I got the idea to train for the race about four months ago. At that time, I was in one of the lowest moments of my life. The future I had begun to dream of completely dissolved within a matter of hours, and after several weeks of crawling through my new dark reality, I realized that my dream was not going to magically recreate itself and come back. I had been forced to create a new life track. I’m an optimist at heart and I knew that this new life track could be amazing, but I was tired and exhausted. I didn’t want to pull myself up and actually go through the tedious acts of building it, again. And then, my Mom sent me the above quote.

I cried, which was the norm for those days, but reading those words produced determined tears. It was a new kind of cry. Einstein’s words and my Mom’s purpose for sending those words sparked a fire in the dark of me. I didn’t have to pull myself up and fight for a new life. I only had to keep moving. Keep pushing the pedal to stay balanced, and move forward. And, luckily(?), I had just the right machinery to keep me moving. Just before my downward spiral, I had become a proud owner of an expensive new road bike. It was a purchase for that old dream, and after only three rides, I found myself stuck with a bike payment and no idea how to be a “cyclist.” I was now tasked with figuring out how to do that by myself —  how to keep moving. A triathlon was the perfect solution.

There were days that it wasn’t easy to keep moving. But training for this triathlon kept me focused on the road to that new life track. Summer passed with sweat, blood, and tears. I kept moving. Kept fighting for a balance because it hurt too much to fall again. And, before I knew it, I was becoming a cyclist. I was becoming a runner.  I don’t think I’ll ever become a swimmer. And then the training ended (paused) because race day arrived this morning.

Each component of the triathlon– swimming, cycling, running —  had its challenge and reward. My swim was painfully slow, but steady. It was invigorating to feel weightless while hearing my lungs mechanically push air in and out of my body. Once my feet touched the sand, I laughed– almost shocked. I actually did it. Then came the bike. The machine that forces me to move. The sound of my breathing was replaced with the sounds of gear shifts and wind. I had a new rhythm with the road. I focused on keeping my balance, looking ahead. Making up time, which I did. And finally, the run. After dismounting from my bike, my legs felt numb and slow. It was difficult to keep my balance just standing still. But, I kept moving. I ran, I walked, I ran some more. I met some women on the run who motivated me to keep running, join their cluster. So, I ran. And I finished. Ten minutes faster than my goal time. I was greeted at the finish line with hugs and high-fives by my family, friends, and teammates. This morning, I crossed the finish line into my new life.

A triathlon tests your endurance, strength, honesty, and resolve. In some ways, it is the first time I have physically challenged myself on these pillars of character. However, I learned the hard way in my old dream that not everyone is capable of enduring life with strength, honesty, and resolve. Now I know I can. Now I know how imperative they are to happiness and success. Now I look forward to my new life– a balanced one — balanced on pillars of endurance, strength, honesty, and resolve. I will keep moving in the right direction. When’s the next triathlon?

Photo taken on September 28, 2014 at Lake Lanier Islands Resort, Buford, Georgia